Goodbyes

July 12th

Of course I would break my camera and get sick the last day we were here…

just my luck. But as I sit here on this 8 hour train ride from Chenzhou to

Beijing I cannot help but feel like I am missing something, or better yet,

someone. Forever a piece of my heart will be in Chenzhou. The way those

nannies showed that they love us just as much as we love them, the way they

followed along, and even sang along with the Chinese version of our song

"You Are Holy". All of these things showed that they care; they are accepting

of us. One of the nannies that we call Liz gave us each a necklace, which

was so sweet. We all got a gift from the director who even cried when she

left us at the train station, when we all exchanged hugs and goodbyes.

We had a celebration today. They had all kinds of fruit and peanuts set

out for us, and we took a group picture of all the nannies, the kids, and

us. Then we did performances. The older kids did a few, then just the

school kids, then just Dennis and Taylor. They did a “Street dance” with

hats and sunglasses that was hilarious! Then the older kids did motions to a

song that the nannies and the director sang. It was really heartfelt and

moving. We sang our song and I am sure that it was not good, but we sang

from the heart and to our Lord. It was really encouraging to see the

nannies and director singing along and following with our song we gave to

them in Chinese. They bought a huge three layer cake for us all and one of

the school boys came and sat with me and was eating all of my fruit. I had only partially eaten because we were scared of getting sick. And then they passed out the cake to all of us girls first

and I ate a little bit. It was really good and the boy really wanted it so I

gave him the rest and then they came around and gave all of the kids their

own piece so they were going crazy and making such a mess with the cake and

all of the fruit. I mean it was EVERYWHERE. But at least we know that  they

really enjoyed it!

When we sat in the train station waiting for our train just after saying

goodbye to the nannies and the director who tagged along on our bus to see

us off, we got many stares and I was asked to take a few pictures with

people, along with some of the others in the group. We ate lunch at the

orphanage today after saying goodbye to the kids, but none of us were

really in the mood to eat. After a quick lunch, some of the nannies and

the director walked back to the orphanage with us so we could get our stuff

and then ride a bus to the train station where we said goodbye. We showed

the nannies and the director one of the videos one of the girls made of

pictures from the trip and they seemed to really enjoy it. They asked for us

to send it to them and one nanny asked for Annie to put it on her memory

card for her. The train ride was interesting. 8 hours is a long time but it

was better than having to deal with the airport. We met up with our new

guide that will be with us the next two days and he took us to the hotel.

Tomorrow is when we visit the Great Wall, and go shopping! So It will be a

fun day. Knowing that I am not waking up to go to the orphanage tomorrow is

really hard to accept.

The view out my window on this train seeing the mountains and hills and

small villages, big cities, but it just reminds me that I am just getting

further and further away from my sweet babies.

I hate goodbyes. I am no good at them. I usually tend to make things

awkward, and saying goodbye today was terrible. Saying goodbye to the

nannies was hard. But saying goodbye to kids was horrible. I was trying to

do it as quick as possible while still savoring those last few moments. It

didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like we were really leaving. When I went to

the baby room, Emerson was luckily not on an IV at the time. She had just

gotten off of it and she was about to get her bottle so I fed her and got

to hold her and snuggle and kiss her for a while before we had to leave. By

that time after telling her I loved her in Chinese and English a hundred

times I kissed her a few more times after placing her in her crib and could

not stop the tears. Her nanny hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, and she

was crying also with those of us in that room. They had her in the adorable

outfit I put her in days ago and that made me happy. I just can’t help but

wonder what will happen to them once we are gone. I mean I know those

nannies love them and do their very best to take good care of them, but

there are only so many nannies, and only so much that they can do. With more

hands it is easier to take care of so many children. I am scared that the

babies will not be held or picked up and will be confined to their cribs to

entertain themselves. It breaks my heart because if I had to sit in an

orphanage day after day I would go absolutely insane. Think about how many

of those kids might be more mentally there if they were not wasting away in

an orphanage. Think about if they had a loving family how much they could

be changed.

It hurts me that most of the kids there will not leave. What is

to become of the least of these? What are we doing to help? Think about

what you could give up so that they could have a little more. I know I sure

have been thinking about what more I can do for not just them, but orphans in

general. God specifically says to take care of the orphans. Why are we not

obeying? Since when can we pick and choose which directions he gives to follow?